The response to my last post was sooooo overwhelming! I’m still answering your comments! Thanks so much for reaching out and I think on a certain level it helped all involved. As far as MS goes sometimes it feels as if I can only take so much before I pop! And pop is what I did last week. You got to see my inner most vulnerable fears and thoughts laid out right before your eyes.
Though my rant didn’t literally change my circumstance, it made me a less tense person. It allowed me to press the release button. Most of the time I put on a smile to make others feel comfortable while I slowly shrink a little inside. This probably in the long run is damaging for us both. I need to consider being more sincere with those close to me. I probably share more with you guys than I do with those around me. It’s safe and convenient to write it here. Nobody’s watching. And as I mentioned before I secretly think all eyes are on me when I am out in public.
I am usually very positive but I do have “down moments” and for the sake of honesty and authenticity I feel compelled to share them. I know I changed nothing. The things that bother me are still here. I’m just a little different. I am glad my storm of hate has passed but I must admit it was very liberating. I compare it to yelling your favorite swear word *%@? after you bump your toe or something. It’s instinctual. Nothing changes but you just had to get it out.
The thing is I generally only share my M.S. complaints with a certain select few, including you. I do know no one wants to be around someone who is constantly complaining. Plus, as they say, “It could always be worse.”