Archive for November, 2012

4

On Vacation

I’m going on a much needed vacation.

Once again I want to thank everyone for visiting the blog and leaving feedback. I will talk to you guys when I get back.

Hopefully I’ll have some great stories to share.

Also take some time to explore other components of the blog and checkout the wonderful websites in the Blogroll and Partnerships sections.

51

Hard To Hear

Yet again my neurologist surprised me with his dedicated work efforts by calling my home the other night around 9 pm. Because it was so late his call caught me off guard and the first thing I could think of was it had to be bad news? Luckily the call was because he needed my help completing required paperwork for the yearly renewal of my long-term disability. He was asking me a plethora of questions about my personal activities of daily living.

Can you get in the shower without assistance?
Do you have problems getting to the toilet?
Are you preparing your own meals?
Can you be left in the house alone?

To be honest with you, I need assistance with all of the aforementioned tasks to varying degrees on varying days, but for some reason I couldn’t relay that to him. My darn pride just kept creeping in. The worse part is, I know that he needs an accurate description to ensure my continued claim. I naively, tried to pretty up my situation. But I obviously didn’t because during our conversation he bluntly said, “You have been on a continued decline since I started treating you.”

Wow!

What could I say after that? There was just silent agreement on my part.

After the conversation, I was scared. Terrified of my not so distant future. But my husband reminded me that the doctor didn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know and live with on a daily basis.

That’s true but so hard to hear.

34

No More Struggles

I calmly said to my husband as we headed to my weekly hairdresser appointment, “I wonder when I’m going to die?”

His very masculine answer was, “Is it your time of the month?”

I told him that was beside the point (Although it actually was).

Sometimes I get reflective. Often when things aren’t going my way, I morbidly tend to wonder when all the struggling is going to be over. Not that I want to rush it or anything. I’m just always looking for some kind relief.

I have to keep reminding myself that there was a time when I was hospitalized hundreds of miles away from my family. When going to the beauty salon was not on my mind. My utmost concern was just making it through the day. Like we all do.

As we continued toward the salon my husband saw I was a bit agitated and retorted with, “We all wonder when we are going to die Nicole. Personally, I plan on living as long as I can. Remember that because when they ask you about pulling plugs on me you yell, hell no. He wants everybody in here to come jump up and down on his chest if need be!”

I said okay, because I want to die first anyway. Is that strange? I just can’t imagine being a big burden on anyone else besides him.

Don’t get me wrong my health is stable. I’m going to the gym as often as possible. I take my medication and I pray to a God that has me on this path for some unknown reason. So at the end of the day, even though I don’t like it, I might as well make the best of the life I’m blessed to have.

Others aren’t so lucky. At the worst, my life with MS has been a multitude of astronomical inconveniences, but not deadly. That’s going to have to be enough for now.

Then we entered the hairdresser and everyone shouted, “NICOLE!”

I in turn, smiled and figured I’d stick around one more day.