My legs aren’t strong enough to carry my weight. It’s a strange thing to see, much less to live through. These days I find myself constantly dipping into my arsenal of positive mantras. Oftentimes, nothing seems to cut into this abyss of misery. Thank goodness my wheels for my wheelchair arrived!
You have been on this ride with me for awhile. I hope I don’t often come across this somber. I think it’s because I’m seeing a habit forming. A “new normal”, if you will. I can use my walker around the house. But it’s getting harder to do even that much. I had a revelation the other day, no matter how much physical therapy I do, it will only carry me as far as MS will let me go. Does that make sense to you? Because it’s taken me years to get that lesson! I’ve left many gyms crying in defeat.
On another note, I find that going out to our usual hangouts in the French Quarters is starting to bring to the surface lots of negative emotions. How do I deal with that? “Bibliotherapy” (I made up that word.) The definition is: have a problem? Get a book and read about it. Simple. Libraries, bookstores, Kindles are all fair options.
Well, a book I read a while back comes to mind here. In On Becoming Fearless, by Arianna Huffington she stresses that I should still do whatever it is I’m afraid of, but instead do it with the fear. She’s not expecting the fear to dissipate. It stays but in essence it becomes powerless over me, because I have resolved to do it with the fear. I’m doing it anyway. Instead of expecting it to go away, I tolerate its presence and keep moving forward. In my case it may be going in a crowd of able bodied individuals being the sole person in a wheelchair. What’s yours?
At least I’ll be rolling through downtown in style with my pimped out chair. Vanity never fades!! LOL!