My close friends and family know that I was raised and still am Catholic but hold a deep appreciation for Buddhism. You may or may not realize that I write about and try to uphold several Buddhist principles alongside Christianity. I wholeheartedly believe and respect the teachings of both sects and find that particular passages inspire me. It brings me a certain amount of comfort and safety.
The other day I came across a great Buddhist quote.
“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities.” ~Dalai Lama
After reading the quote, I immediately begin to wonder if I’m too attached to how things use to be. Honestly, I thought every physical faculty I’ve lost was an enduring entity. Then I realized that the quality of my life is being changed not only because of MS. My life is being changed because I allow MS to center my thoughts on my able-bodied past instead of what is happening in the present. Maybe that’s why I still cry over my declining physical aptitude. I began losing my abilities years ago but I am still obsessed with the idea of being able-bodied. I still want to do things on my own terms. It’s the dependency MS begets that I hate. It’s my sense of independence and control that I miss. I wish I could just move past this but I stumble every time.
Has my life truly been so bad because of the things MS has taken from me?
The obvious answer is no, but boy do I miss being “normal”. I think I should concentrate on the present moment as it is. Perhaps that may be the first step in defeating MS in this battle for control of my life.
“It’s human nature to wonder if we’d be happier with more. Perhaps the key is to work with that instinct and realize we can have joyful experiences if we’re willing to cling to less.” ~Lori Deschene