I often say that losing control is one of the worse things about MS. I’m not just talking about bladder control, although that is a demoralizing demon all by itself. I am talking about control of my daily routines and affairs. I’m very fortunate to have a helpful husband to be going through this with and I have an excellent collaborative medical team.
But the raw control I have over my life is diminuative at best. My husband gets the brunt of my temper tantrums. He sees me at my most vulnerable times. He usually talks me into doing what’s best for all involved. When sometimes I just want to do what I want to do! Since I am a permanent passenger sometimes it’s as mundane as wanting to take a different route. Or maybe go and visit my parents or a girlfriend.
But I’ve got to give it to him, he never asks me to wait in the car while he “runs” in a store real quick. Often friends and family do that. But I understand it and I don’t fault them. After all, nothing involving me is “real quick”. Hubby simply said he doesn’t ask me to wait in the car, because he enjoys my company. That was sweet. Plus, I guess since he is a young man, hauling around my scooter or wheelchair isn’t really a deal breaker. I don’t mention to folks that I do mind waiting in the car. I’m usually just so grateful for the outing. But boy do I wish I had a bit more control of the situation. Wow, I hope now I haven’t already offended someone.
That’s why it was interesting when I read somewhere that giving up control can be a bit freeing.
I never considered that. Letting go is a new concept. I’ve been beating myself up over the control I thought I needed.
Well, I just may have to let go of that control wish, because it doesn’t look like it’s gonna happen anytime soon.
Now, if it’s actually freeing….stay tuned, I’ll let you know.