So Grateful

We all know my problems walking, but over the past few weeks I’ve been having trouble with my left hand too! How much will this blasted disease steal from me??? If I do a lot in one particular day, maybe by 7pm my left hand will start giving me trouble. Trouble that renders me unable to do anything that requires precision in both hands. At night, it becomes dangerous for me to use the stove and aggravating to dress and undress myself.

I remember this happening to me in the past. You would think it wouldn’t catch me off guard like this. I notice that it only happens when I push my body a bit too hard. By now I should be able to gauge when it’s time to stop something. But obviously, I’m still figuring this out. Because when it does happen it scares the dickens right out of me. All I can think of is a bunch of “what ifs?” What if my hand doesn’t come back? What if this is my new normal? How in the world am I going to fasten my bra? Then the mental commentary begins to spiral downhill from there. My leaky bladder, my almost nonexistent balance, the fatigue that shows up and causes me to shut down. My thoughts only temporarily slowed to consider that my right hand was doing fine and my walking though wobbly hadn’t changed.

I should have given more time and effort to that brief thought. Or even remembered that I could be so much worse off. I often dwell on the things I cannot do. Or on the things I miss doing. But I’m happy to report that over the last couple of days, I am nearly back to normal. Furthermore, I am typing normally. Yes!

We went to church this Saturday, like we try to do consistently. The priest so befittingly reminded me that gratitude is the bridge that leads between problems and possibilities. Notice he said possibilities not solutions or in my case cures. He made a point to emphasize… possibilities. So I need to have hope for greater possibilities while being grateful for what I already have.

I regret only briefly considering the things I can do, like my functioning right hand, mental fortitude and my power to choose my attitude toward my circumstance.

I’m so grateful I can type this post today.

So grateful.

About Nicole Lemelle

My name is Nicole Lemelle. I am a writer, activist and a person living with Multiple Sclerosis. I created My New Normals to educate those who do not understand MS, reassure people with similar plights and inspire everyone to seize command of their lives.