fall risk Archive

26

My Bruised Ego

Where I usually sit.

Every now and then my ego/id gets the best of me. When this happens my husband Tommy usually receives the brunt of my aggravation. Sometimes I just want to leave my apartment by myself. Don’t get me wrong I really love my husband but occasionally I just want to be alone! In order to safely accomplish this, I sit outside on our balcony and practice my Spanish or talk on the phone. I guess the common jargon is “me time.”

Well this particular day simply sitting on our balcony wasn’t enough. I wanted to go closer to the pool. When I told Tommy I was going outside to the deck area, instead of him simply saying okay he asked me, “Why?”

I hate the dreaded “Why?”!!

Can I do anything on my own? Am I not a grown 36-year-old woman? But instead of telling him that, I just responded with a snide, “Because that is what I want to do!” I got up, grabbed my purse, phone and walker then closed the door. I tried to slam it, but the door was too heavy! It’s very hard to make a dramatic exit when you’re using a walker. I think he even had to come behind me and shut the door all the way.

See my purse?

I was outside only a minute before I accidentally released the walker and it rolled about six steps away from me. This normally would not be a big deal, but I honestly can’t walk too well or stand for very long without the walker or some other form of support. I managed to take a seat on the cement fairly quickly. The real problem was, “How was I going to get to the walker?” No one else was out there. No one could see me. So, I decided to go for it! I was going to walk to my walker!

On your mark, get set, GO!

Well, it didn’t quite go that way. I was too afraid to try. Besides, this is cement we’re talking about here. Instead, I hesitantly called Tommy on my cell phone to come out to the balcony, so he could at least see me. Okay, here we go again.

On your mark, get set, GO!!!!!!

I took one wobbly step, another to stable myself but lost my balance and I fell straight to the cement. I’m a seasoned faller, so I know how to safeguard myself. Not even my glasses were broken. Just my ego!

I guess I got the brunt of this one!

24

Serenity Prayer

For every ailment under the sun
There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it;
If there be none, never mind it. -W.W. Bartley

Praying Hands

Serenity Prayer

It just so happens that I am writing my new post on the same day of the 10th anniversary of 9/11. This morning when I woke up I attempted to get out of bed, but unexpectedly slid to the floor! In the background my television showed continuous news coverage of the terror attacks from 2001. I usually use my walker around the house and my wheelchair only for outside excursions but today I have been using my wheelchair inside the house. If this is my only problem on 9/11/11 then I should feel lucky.

Of course, I didn’t welcome this “new normal”. Remember, it’s the period between the “normals” that is the hardest. I don’t welcome any of them. But who would? Who wants to be introduced to a “new normal” that excludes most things you consider normal? As a matter of fact, I saw my leg strength weakening for quite a while. I usually see these “new normals” peaking around the corner but DENIAL, my no good dirty bastard friend, keeps me stagnate.

Many days I prefer to crawl around the house rather than use my pimped out wheelchair! Can you imagine a grown woman crawling around the house? I would sarcastically, but proudly declare, “Crawling is a mode of transportation.” Not today. I have nothing in me to give. There is limited energy in the lower half of my body. And that’s tolerable, because after watching the 9/11 news specials and reports, how can I complain?

Throughout the day, I like to recite this adage to myself:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Which way would u select?

I can't change MS but I can control my acceptance and treatment of MS.