fall Archive


The Fall Girl


“Pain is such an uncomfortable feeling that even a tiny amount of it is enough to ruin every enjoyment.” – Will Rogers

Saturday night, while taking a shower, I fell. The weird thing is, I was sitting down when it happened. I was on a bench in my shower washing myself when I lost my balance, tipped side ways and ended up face down on the tile floor.

The pain was incredible. I screamed and within seconds my husband rushed in to help me. He asked me if I was all right. I wasn’t sure so he sat me up and inspected me for damage.

I had cuts on the inside and outside of my bottom lip. And yes, blood was flowing and quickly filled my mouth. I felt a little lightheaded but the feeling was fleeting. As I sat on the floor, I ran my tongue around in my mouth. I could feel something was out of place. I glanced around the room and saw what looked like a tooth next to the sink. Before I could panic, my husband instructed me to smile. It revealed that I had chipped my front tooth.

As bad as that sounds, besides the pain, I felt reasonably well for such a severe fall.

Over the years, I have taken many precautions in my daily life to prevent falls. So I thought I was fairly safe. But wow, this took me by surprise. For goodness sake I was sitting down! Who falls while they are sitting?

I realize the busted lip and chipped tooth can be fixed. So I feel fortunate and grateful to be all right. But my memories of the pain from that fall will stay with me for some time.



Never Apologize


“I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes — until I met a man who had no feet.” ~ Jewish Proverbs

I’m Dying!

Or at least that’s what I feel like.

MS tends to put me in a fragile wavering psychotic state.

Between the optic neuritis, numbness, fatigue, dropping things, tripping and falling I think I may be losing my mind.

My dream for normal used to be so strong but now it is slowly withering away. Each passing day brings me less confidence that I can get my former life back. I always keep a little hope alive but that may be because I can’t face the reality that I will never get back to normal again.

MS just makes everything suck sometimes. Like when I can barely push my wheelchair two feet without getting tired. Sometimes I can only do two rotations before my arms begin to give out. I don’t think that hardly being able to move about is a good sign at all.

Despite that limitation, since my home is small, you would think that making it to the restroom would be easy even for someone who occasionally has trouble maneuvering around. But that’s not always the case.

On one of my particularly bad days, while trying to stand, my right leg decided to give out and make me better acquainted with the floor. I was trying to go to the restroom and ended up on the bathroom tile, only a few feet away from the toilet. To further humiliate myself, while face down on the floor, I could no longer stop myself from urinating. It began to trickle and I knew I had only seconds left before I was at the point of no return. I crawled and actually made it to the side of the toilet but that was about as far as my arms could pull me. Then my bladder could not hold it back any longer. Suddenly the urine broke free and it was a full-blown gusher.

I began to cry.

Yes, I was lying on the bathroom floor crying and peeing at the same time.

The worst part was that I could hear my husband, Tommy, coming into the front door. He was back from a 30-minute workout at the gym. He rarely leaves me at home alone for more than an hour. I knew he would be heading straight to the restroom to cleanup after his workout so I only had a few moments. I quickly tried to close the door by kicking it shut but my legs would not respond. Before I could think of a plan b he had turned the corner and was standing over me.


The funny thing about Tommy is that he always appears so stoic.

He asked me, “Are you alright?”

Totally embarrassed, I shook my head yes and continued to softly cry.

He lifted me to my feet and walked me over to the toilet. I sat there while he helped me get my clothes off and then assisted me as I got into the bathtub. I ran the water and he got me towels. As I sat in the tub soaking he cleaned the urine off the floor. It was taking him a while as it had spread throughout the bathroom. I sat in the tub watching him. I started to think that he didn’t sign up for this. If I were only normal again this would have never happened.

I just kept saying, “I‘m sorry. I‘m sorry. I‘m sorry.”

From his hands and knees while crouching in urine, he looked at me and said, “Don’t ever apologize for having MS.”
This article was first published by MultipleSclerosis.net.


My Bruised Ego

Where I usually sit.

Every now and then my ego/id gets the best of me. When this happens my husband Tommy usually receives the brunt of my aggravation. Sometimes I just want to leave my apartment by myself. Don’t get me wrong I really love my husband but occasionally I just want to be alone! In order to safely accomplish this, I sit outside on our balcony and practice my Spanish or talk on the phone. I guess the common jargon is “me time.”

Well this particular day simply sitting on our balcony wasn’t enough. I wanted to go closer to the pool. When I told Tommy I was going outside to the deck area, instead of him simply saying okay he asked me, “Why?”

I hate the dreaded “Why?”!!

Can I do anything on my own? Am I not a grown 36-year-old woman? But instead of telling him that, I just responded with a snide, “Because that is what I want to do!” I got up, grabbed my purse, phone and walker then closed the door. I tried to slam it, but the door was too heavy! It’s very hard to make a dramatic exit when you’re using a walker. I think he even had to come behind me and shut the door all the way.

See my purse?

I was outside only a minute before I accidentally released the walker and it rolled about six steps away from me. This normally would not be a big deal, but I honestly can’t walk too well or stand for very long without the walker or some other form of support. I managed to take a seat on the cement fairly quickly. The real problem was, “How was I going to get to the walker?” No one else was out there. No one could see me. So, I decided to go for it! I was going to walk to my walker!

On your mark, get set, GO!

Well, it didn’t quite go that way. I was too afraid to try. Besides, this is cement we’re talking about here. Instead, I hesitantly called Tommy on my cell phone to come out to the balcony, so he could at least see me. Okay, here we go again.

On your mark, get set, GO!!!!!!

I took one wobbly step, another to stable myself but lost my balance and I fell straight to the cement. I’m a seasoned faller, so I know how to safeguard myself. Not even my glasses were broken. Just my ego!

I guess I got the brunt of this one!