wheelchair Archive

Can You Relate?

– 3 June, 2013Posted in: Acceptance, Authentic Happiness, chronic illness, health, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Walker, Walking, Wheelchair

Sometimes it’s nice being amongst those who can sincerely relate to and understand me.

Despite the sun sucking the energy right out of me at 85° Fahrenheit, I sat outside a local park coffee shop for an hour and a half and mingled with a newfound friend. She just may have thought I was drunk because I was so giddy to be in her company.

She’s actually the group leader of my local MS support group. I’ve been complaining about being lonely and bored. Lately I’ve felt confined to this condo. Once its newness wore off reality set in.

Thanks to the quasi independence my power chair affords me, I can continually visit the lobby, the mailboxes, and the sitting area. I’ve befriended just about all the employees in the building. I wonder if when they see me they say, “Oh my here she comes again.” Regardless, I love getting dressed and yelling to Tommy, “I’ll be back soon!”

I am beginning to almost physically feel the degrees of separation between my closest friends and I expanding. It’s no ones fault. It’s just a function of time, proximity and the business of life. I mentioned I was bored and lonely in my monthly MS support group meeting. The next day the leader called me up and invited me out for coffee! What a trooper.

Don’t get me wrong, horseback riding and Tommy are great. I just need more female camaraderie. The point is sometimes you’ve just got to go out and get what you want for yourself. And that’s exactly what I did.

In turn that makes me feel…well…PROUD!!!

Plus my sister is coming back in town Friday. It can’t get any better than that.

Tags: city park new orleans, friends, independence, motorized power chair, ms group, wheelchair

Tall Order

Nicole Lemelle

– 27 May, 2013Posted in: Acceptance, chronic illness, health, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Walker, Walking, Wheelchair

Sometime ago, I promised myself to keep moving forward with MS instead of letting it drag me into an abyss of loneliness, self-pity, anger, and depression. I reluctantly accepted the fact that it’s highly likely I will never walk again. Of course that comprises all the things that are included with the privilege of walking, such as driving and any semblance of independence.

Now I am having problems with my hands! I’ve mentioned that I need help completing common daily tasks, like combing my hair and using my computer mouse. I just do not have the physical strength anymore. I’m using dictation software now because of it. But it’s so much more than not being able to type or open a jar of peanut butter. Usually in the morning I’m okay, but as the day progresses my functionality diminishes.

My worse nightmare came true years ago when I was relegated to a wheelchair. And guess what? I adapted and survived it. A fellow blogger reminded me, “all the things that I’ve been afraid of, or worried about in the past, are water under the bridge now.” So much truth resonated in those words. The life I lead now was unimaginable to the former able-bodied Nicole. But I’m still here and I’m going to lean toward life.

It won’t be easy, but at least I’m not alone. My goal is to be satisfied with what I have and take delight in the way things are.

A very tall order for anybody.

Tags: anger, independence, loneliness, MS, multiple sclerosis, self-pity, walker, wheelchair

MS Milestones

Nicole Lemelle

– 29 April, 2013Posted in: Acceptance, chronic illness, Depression, health, Independence, Moving forward, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Sadness, Walker, Walking, Wheelchair

Today is different. I’ve been having increasing difficulty typing. I previously promised myself that if this ever happened I would use assistive devices available to me. That is, no matter how humbling it may be. Because like it or not I’m not the same woman I used to be!

Now, today is different because I’m using dictation software in order to complete this post.

I guess you can say it’s a milestone of sorts. In fact over the course of the last few years every time I had to start using a new device I considered it a very big deal. Whether it’s my cane, walker, wheelchair, scooter or power chair, I had to accept my new reality. Or as we say every year it seems to be something, and here once again is one of my new normals. To be honest though, I saw this one coming. More often when I’m tired, I’m require help to do normal, easy, simple tasks; for example buttoning my shirts or putting on my own deodorant or sometimes even feeding myself! Thank God for my husband and my mom.

Fortunately, with this computer program I simply speak into the microphone on the computer and it in turn types what I say. I really, really didn’t want to use it or anything else. It was hard to accept any kind of help at first. But, I figured in order to keep with what I preach… I had to. Writing has become my outlet from MS. I’ll be damned if I let multiple sclerosis shrewdly yank that away from me too.

At first for me, like many others, multiple sclerosis meant only blurry vision. But look at me now. I imagine I’m going to accept my new typing limitation and move on to embrace this dictation software on my computer. I may even be drawn to purchase brand name fancy software. Who knows?

I’m even having problems using my computer mouse. My hands just will not listen to me. I did however read about a device that moves your mouse with your eye movement.

Maybe in a few months I’ll be ready to tackle that one.

Tags: computer program, hands, loss of vision, MS, multiple sclerosis, scooter, typing, vision, walker, walking, wheelchair

Twists and Turns

Nicole Lemelle

– 1 April, 2013Posted in: Bladder Issues, health, Independence, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Sadness, Walker, Walking, Wheelchair

My dad, who had a stroke a couple of months ago, shared a card with me that at the time we both could relate to. It said, “Do not worry that you’re not strong enough to make it before you begin. It’s in the journey that God makes you strong”.

The card also reminded me of a fellow MSer I met in passing. The encounter was a long time ago when I was still walking on my own. She was admiring how much physical ability I possessed. Then she lowered her head and confided in me, “Nicole, I can’t even lift myself off the toilet.” I subsequently squeezed her hand, offered a genuine show of support then we exchanged contact info and departed.

Now, years later, as I sit in my scooter I’m probably closer to her than she will ever know. I no longer have her info so I can’t reach out. Besides, what am I going to say? “Hey I can’t lift myself off the toilet anymore either!”

I would’ve never thought I’d be here today. It’s been a long journey, but Tom (my husband) and I have made it through. He hears me racing to the restroom and just meets me there. He saves me from actually having to ask for help. It’s a very humbling experience. Actually, it’s mostly in the mornings that I’m the weakest.

How does one prepare themselves for this?

This journey has made me into a different woman. I’m weaker yet stronger in more ways than one. Somehow my dad, Tom, and I are making it through despite all the wired twists and turns…but certainly not on our own.

Tags: chronic disease, god, health, MS, multiple sclerosis, restroom, stroke, support, toilet, walker, walking, weak, weakness, wheelchair

On Vacation

Nicole Lemelle

– 16 November, 2012Posted in: MS, Multiple Sclerosis

I’m going on a much needed vacation.

Once again I want to thank everyone for visiting the blog and leaving feedback. I will talk to you guys when I get back.

Hopefully I’ll have some great stories to share.

Also take some time to explore other components of the blog and checkout the wonderful websites in the Blogroll and Partnerships sections.

Tags: beach wheelchair, handicap accessible, MS, multiple sclerosis, vacation, wheelchair

Immune Compromised

Nicole Lemelle

– 23 October, 2012Posted in: Acceptance, chronic illness, health, Moving forward, Walker, Walking, Wheelchair

Finally, I got a new non-multiple sclerosis endeavor to talk about! Well sort of…you’ll see.

My husband and I are trying to buy a new home! Yes and I naively thought banks and/or credit unions would have a separate grant program for people with disabilities. Especially, since our income is drastically less than it was pre-diagnosis. But no, they don’t. I guess the best answer is to earn as much as you can before joining the disability club. Also, make sure you get long-term healthcare insurance through your employer while you’re eligible.

I thought that in accordance with the Americans with Disabilities Act, financial institutions would make certain accommodations. Meaning lower interest rates for people living with disabilities, but I quickly figured out they don’t. Besides the financial issues, I’ve also found myself weighing options I haven’t considered in a long time. Surprisingly, it was quite welcoming. I’m pondering things like, what’s more important, having a bigger living area or larger bedroom? Let me tell ya, I’d much rather make those decisions than what disease modifying drug to pick. I must admit, having MS has taught me not to sweat the mundane issues. Past hardships don’t seem so problematic anymore because I’m becoming immune to worrying.

But I’m still not completely enlightened yet. As it turns out, the home I really want is out of our financial reach. When will I just be satisfied with what I have or in this case, can afford? But that’s the human condition. That’s the reason for the whole stock market crash, right? I always want more. Be it walking or scooting around. I never quit. I remember a time when all I wanted was a scooter. Now, I have it, but I keep busting my butt trying to use my walker. It’s so ironic that I’m drooling over square footage that I can’t even walk?

The next day, as we were leaving to meet with our realtor the phone rang. It was my doctor. Apparently Gilenya, the pill I take for MS, is doing a serious hacking on my white blood count and my doctor wants me to go to the emergency room if I get a fever, feel lightheaded or dizzy. A low white blood cell count means your immune system is suppressed. This leaves me open to getting sick really easy. The plan is to let my counts rise again and start on the other new MS pill. He said it has just been released and is safer than Gilenya, but it’s not as affective. Ultimately, it might also lower my white blood cell count! Great! (I’m being sarcastic)

Nevertheless, I pulled it together met with my realtor and put in a bid on a new condo.

See we just got to keep moving forward with or without an immune system.

Tags: accessible, ada, American with Disabilities Act, apartment, disability, gilenya, home, house, insurance, long term healthcare insurance, scooter, walker, wheelchair, worry

Sex, Intimacy, and MS

Nicole Lemelle

– 8 October, 2012Posted in: Acceptance, Bladder Issues, chronic illness, health, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Walker, Walking, Wheelchair

Sex has been on my mind for a while now. So I figured I’ve blogged about urine and bowel issues, why not follow up with sex????? Natural transition, right? No not at all. Don’t worry; I’m not actually going to talk about the act of sex. I’m going to focus on how MS has affected my capacity for sexual feelings or my sexiness to be clear.

At first, I was just so spastic. My legs wouldn’t cooperate. Now that I have muscle relaxants, I’m a tad bit more limber but I don’t feel desirable. After all, my husband helps me with things one normally wouldn’t want any man to be present for, much less help out. I know I’m blessed to have him around but honestly how much of this can we take? I always harp on the activities Multiple Sclerosis has stolen from me but I forgot to mention my sex life. That part of me is somewhere between my walker, wheelchair, scooter and shower bench!

I just don’t have the energy to get “cute”. You know to go the extra mile from presentable to attractive. I think people don’t really look at me that way in a wheelchair. It stinks not being at eye level. I try to shake things up and actually dress like a 37-year woman. We also try to live that way too. Well, as much as we can. I know there are things my husband loves to do together that I just can’t do anymore.

Most mornings all I can do is simply get dressed. Makeup has been a casualty of this war and high heels are impossible for me to wear. I do pride myself on weekly visits to the beauty salon. I get my hair styled and a pedicure with hubby waiting patiently by my side. It’s funny, because I want to at least try to be seductive. But sometimes even with the hair and nails complete, I don’t feel like the diva I think I used to be. I do my best not to take him for granted. I wear dresses and cute sandals as often as I can but my shape is not where it was before this despicable disease. I remember him telling me my legs were his favorite body part of mine. I wonder what it is now? It’s surely not these wobbly stumps I have today.

But despite all of my MS faults, my husband still tells me how nice I look. Now, I just need to convince myself.

That’s the hard part.