Someone posed the thought of surrendering to this new normal of mine. A state that includes no walking, occasional confusion, memory lapses, weakness, and infinite fatigue. It seems like a lot, but quite frankly, I thought I had already done this.
To me this falls into the realm of acceptance, adaption, and accommodating. All things I have already checked off my “to do” list. Okay, I have my moments. I do recognize I’m a work in progress. I now realize that last month according to my post, I risked putting myself in harm’s way for the sake of doing it on my own.
But surrendering to this state takes things to a different level. I confess I do carry a rather large chip on my shoulder. Eveybody can’t see it, but it’s definitely there. It’s mostly in my mind set. I guess it would be freeing to let go of that. Like dropping dead weight.
For me surrendering is not being stagnate. It doesn’t mean I would stop taking my medicine or therapy. It does mean that I accept what is. Accept that right now I can’t do all the things I use to do. I wouldn’t fight it so much, instead I would accomplish things within my limitations. The goal is to focus on what’s happening at the moment. Living in the moment.
For example, I still try to use my walker around the house from time to time. But I can’t. I can’t do it. I’ll attempt a step with the walker, and go nowhere or maybe find myself on the floor! The thing about MS is that tomorrow, I may be able to do it. But at this moment I cannot.
I would later say from the floor, “Using my wheelchair is so much easier.”
That’s what I call surrendering to what is. I just have to remember to keep doing it over and over again!