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I’m Special

Mighty Mouse

I see a neurologist to manage my multiple sclerosis. Even though I’ve had this ghastly disease for 11 years now, going to the doctor’s office always leaves me feeing down and depressed. I’m not entirely sure what I expected the doctor to say at this visit, but it was the same old stuff.

Sitting in the waiting room I kept thinking that MS wasn’t in my plans. Those thoughts would usually make me a blubbering idiot. But this time, I remembered some of my own words. I remembered the wonderful comments and support I’ve received both here and from family and friends.

I said before, I am never quite sure what the doctor will say. But that’s a lie. The feeling that I was misdiagnosed is always running in my heart and I thought he’d know. I secretly thought he’d feel that same vibe and would shower a little hope on me. After all, I thought only 2/3rds of the multiple sclerosis population ends up in a wheelchair? What happened to that? I told these statistics to my husband Tommy and he said, “You’re special and make the wheelchair look good.” It’s kind of lame, but I’m a sucker for compliments of any kind.

I thought people, who start out with visual disturbances, like I did, generally do well or at least don’t end up in a wheelchair? What happened to that? Again, all Tommy said was, “You’re special.”

I thought black Americans didn’t generally get this? Well, the gigs up. I’m black and I got it and yes you don’t have to say it I already know I’m special.

Doc Office

I read an article where Multiple Sclerosis Was Successfully Reversed In Mice. Too bad I’m not a mouse.


Somehow, I feel better but I still need a drink!

12 thoughts on “I’m Special”
  1. Martha aka switchinggranny 23 September, 2011on10:33 PM Reply

    Love your writing. I was shocked (I don’t know why) to know that other MSer’s are awaiting the news that this was all a big mistake. Guess it’s just an instinct of denial as we so wish this were just a nightmare. Keep writing and reminding us that we’re not alone. PS my hubby was raised in NOLA –

    • Nicole Lemelle 24 September, 2011on12:52 PM Reply

      Martha, Thanks for reading. Yes, it is good to know that I am not alone!

  2. andrea 28 August, 2011on2:12 PM Reply

    Hey…oh so true. I protested last year and did not go to the doctor or get my scheduled tests. i would just not go…make the appointment like i was going to go and write down the time and everything and then not show up. Very stupid. Once I finally went to the urologist 8 weeks ago, I had a whopper of an infection. I am also resistant to 5 antibiotics with the superstrain of bladder infection i still have. This is my 6th course of antibiotics and I did what I have been giving myself permission to do lately…I fired my doctor. I don’t know about you but at the point you have been on 6 antibiotics and really sick so that you miss time with your 2 boys and husband and just in LIFE…I was realy pissed off!! We should all have a Dr. Lovera in our lives…so kind and so gentle. But, if our doctors are uncaring, rigid, unavailable or just not treating the problem after an appropriate amount of time…..talk to he or she and if it can’t be worked through….change doctors!!! I love you nicole!!!!

  3. Kathy 28 August, 2011on2:18 AM Reply

    What a beautiful post and one I could completly relate to even though I don’t have MS. I must confess to wishing one of the many doctors we visit for my daughters many neurolgical issues and developmental delays would say, big mistake, MRI is wrong, if you do xyz it will all be over. I love your writing and am thrilled you found me so that I could find you! I’m now following you! On your comment to me you said you had never heard of VoiceBoks.com, well I hope you get a chance to visit because it is a great supportive community and you would be a huge asset!! Sending you nothing but good thoughts! Thrilled to find your wonderful site!!

  4. Stacey Samuel-O'Brien 27 August, 2011on6:52 PM Reply

    hope you had that drink…i too have wondered if i’ve been misdiagnosed, but then i think well there must be some explanation for all the crap that’s happened to my body and forget the thought 🙁

  5. Emily 23 August, 2011on10:58 PM Reply

    Like you, I await the news that I have been misdiagnosed. I’m not picky about how it happens – I could initiate the thought, or the dr. could come up with it on his own. We’ll see what happens when I see my NEW neuro in the fall.

  6. Andrelle 23 August, 2011on1:59 PM Reply

    Put me on your schedule one weekend soon so I can come to NOLA for drinks!!

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