Welcome to

My New Normals

Home / chronic illness / My Bruised Ego

My Bruised Ego

Where I  usually sit.

Where I usually sit.

Every now and then my ego/id gets the best of me. When this happens my husband Tommy usually receives the brunt of my aggravation. Sometimes I just want to leave my apartment by myself. Don’t get me wrong I really love my husband but occasionally I just want to be alone! In order to safely accomplish this, I sit outside on our balcony and practice my Spanish or talk on the phone. I guess the common jargon is “me time.”

Well this particular day simply sitting on our balcony wasn’t enough. I wanted to go closer to the pool. When I told Tommy I was going outside to the deck area, instead of him simply saying okay he asked me, “Why?”

I hate the dreaded “Why?”!!

Can I do anything on my own? Am I not a grown 36-year-old woman? But instead of telling him that, I just responded with a snide, “Because that is what I want to do!” I got up, grabbed my purse, phone and walker then closed the door. I tried to slam it, but the door was too heavy! It’s very hard to make a dramatic exit when you’re using a walker. I think he even had to come behind me and shut the door all the way.

See my purse?

I was outside only a minute before I accidentally released the walker and it rolled about six steps away from me. This normally would not be a big deal, but I honestly can’t walk too well or stand for very long without the walker or some other form of support. I managed to take a seat on the cement fairly quickly. The real problem was, “How was I going to get to the walker?” No one else was out there. No one could see me. So, I decided to go for it! I was going to walk to my walker!

On your mark, get set, GO!

Well, it didn’t quite go that way. I was too afraid to try. Besides, this is cement we’re talking about here. Instead, I hesitantly called Tommy on my cell phone to come out to the balcony, so he could at least see me. Okay, here we go again.

On your mark, get set, GO!!!!!!

I took one wobbly step, another to stable myself but lost my balance and I fell straight to the cement. I’m a seasoned faller, so I know how to safeguard myself. Not even my glasses were broken. Just my ego!

I guess I got the brunt of this one!

26 thoughts on “My Bruised Ego”
  1. Ian 27 October, 2011 on 1:38 AM Reply

    Ahhh Nicole… when I read the bit about the ‘dramatic’ exit, I heard a song go through Tommy’s head – a song by Australian band, Mental As Anthything called, “If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?”

    • Nicole Lemelle 27 October, 2011 on 9:22 AM Reply

      Ian, You are Tommy’s own personal support group!
      Nicole

  2. Mimi 25 October, 2011 on 9:37 PM Reply

    I don’t have to start my own blog. You are me.

  3. Richard Rowell and JoAnne Rowell 24 October, 2011 on 12:56 AM Reply

    Nicole
    Very interesting writing. JoAnne and I both have secondary Progressive MS. We have had MS for several years. I had my first symptoms in 1971 (yes, I am as old as dirt) I went on disability in 1986 after the MS went in remission for all those years. Now it’s a permanent situation. JoAnne had her first problems in 1980’s but since 1994 it has gone to the point that she is in a wheelchair. We were both previously married to non MS people. But we got together while forming the MS support site called CLAMS Computer Literate Advocates for MS. It went to the Web in 1995 as http://www.clams.org. It has evolved over the years. When we first started, there were 7 of us on the board. Now, it is down to just JoAnne, and myself. At first, we rebuilt computers and toured the Local MS Society organizations and donated computers to people with MS who could not afford them. Now, we just maintain the Web site, and the Good Docs list, and update the links, and the research page. We have both done one or more of the “CRAB” drugs, and both of us did a two year treatment of Novantrone, with some success. The most recent involvement was with the CCSVI scans and treatment at Hubbard Inst. in San Diego CA last October. CCSVI probably holds the most promise for younger, newly diagnosed MS patients. We know of several younger MS patients who have had dramatic results. You can contact us via the CLAMS site. Thanks for what you do!
    Richard and JoAnne .

    • Nicole Lemelle 24 October, 2011 on 2:55 PM Reply

      Richard Rowell and JoAnne Rowell,
      Thanks and I will!
      Nicole

  4. PositiveAboutMS 20 October, 2011 on 4:59 PM Reply

    Sometimes with MS it’s the pride that gets hurt more than the body… Very nice article, I enjopyed reading it and could relate to many parts of it :) Well Done and thanks for writing! I mention similar feeling on my website, under the section called, “The Bad Days”

    • Nicole Lemelle 20 October, 2011 on 5:38 PM Reply

      PositiveAboutMS,
      Thanks for stopping by. I’m tickled that you enjoy my writing! I’ll check out you site too!
      Nicole

  5. Libby Bill 20 October, 2011 on 12:46 AM Reply

    hi, nicole, i’m so glad you didnt get hurt…the only thing worse than ms would be ms and a broken leg, right?? i have all kinds of good stuff going on here, stop by!

    • Nicole Lemelle 20 October, 2011 on 5:40 PM Reply

      LIbby Bill,
      You are exactly, right…at least I didn’t get hurt!
      Nicole

  6. GWEN 19 October, 2011 on 12:57 AM Reply

    HI, I GOT MY MS DIAGNOSIS 7YRS AGO. I LIVED FOR THE WEEKEND. I WAS THE BUSY FOOTBALLL/CHEERLEADING SINGLE MOM DRIVING ALL AROUND SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. I MADE THE DECISION TO STOP DRIVING, OVER A YEAR AGO WHEN I FOUND MYSELF USING MY HAND TO LIFT MY RIGHT LEG FROM THE GAS PEDAL TO THE BRAKE. NEEDLESS TO SAY AFTER TWO MINOR MISHAPS THAT DAMAGED THE FRONT OF MY VEHICLE (MY CHERISHED SUV), I DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO HANG UP THE CAR KEYS FOR NOW. I AM LOOKING INTO HAND CONTROLS. SO FOR NOW IT IS THE GENEROSITY OF OTHERS AND PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION..

    • Nicole Lemelle 19 October, 2011 on 1:22 PM Reply

      Gwen,
      Good for you. No one took your keys, you gracefully put them down yourself. That in itself makes all the difference in the world.
      Nicole

    • Anonymous 23 October, 2011 on 7:54 PM Reply

      Hi my name is Deb i live in Melbourne Australia, I ‘stumbled’ (pardon the pun) on to your website recently, I love it, makes me feel not so alone in this constant battle with ms, I was diagnosed in 1996, and am now in secondary progressive, driving is becoming harder for me and I really related to Gwen when she spoke about holding up her leg to change to braking, I too have enquired about converting my car to hand controls….Thanks Nicole :)

      • Nicole Lemelle 24 October, 2011 on 2:58 PM Reply

        Anonymous,
        Thanks for stumbling upon the site and do know that my goal is to update every Tuesday. Although, right now I’m running a little late. Gotta go. Thanks again.
        Nicole

  7. Rae 18 October, 2011 on 9:50 PM Reply

    Hey, at least you had your pride all inflated and ready to fall on! :) Today, Nicole fall down go boom. Tomorrow, she takes the walker out a little farther.

  8. Kshanski Cooper Hilson 18 October, 2011 on 7:15 PM Reply

    I ALL TO OFTEN NEED “ME TIME”. WITH RUNNING WITH KIDS AND THEIR DEMANDS, I RARELY GET ANY!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Nicole Lemelle 19 October, 2011 on 1:25 PM Reply

      Kshaski,
      I can’t even imagine what you go through.

  9. Anonymous 18 October, 2011 on 3:28 PM Reply

    Hey girl!
    You may not come to me anymore, but please think of me next time you want an adventure! Be safe! Be smart!
    Miss ya!
    Laura, PT

    • Nicole Lemelle 18 October, 2011 on 5:54 PM Reply

      Laura,
      You finally came!!!! Oh, I plan on coming back! Thanksssssss

  10. Nancy 18 October, 2011 on 12:23 PM Reply

    We all need the ME time and a place to go to to get away for awhile. I smiled thinking of the dramatic exit with a walker. I am glad you did not get hurt falling but the ego can hurt more sometimes. We all need to get out there yet my hubby will ask why? I guess he figures I have everything I need why go anywhere else? I actually go for a virtual walk sometimes on google maps. Visit my hometown at street level. Call me silly but it helps. Take care and I hope you find that place to get the ME time.

    • Nicole Lemelle 18 October, 2011 on 1:32 PM Reply

      Nancy, It really sounds like you can relate.
      Thanks for commenting. Nicole

  11. Linda Burke 18 October, 2011 on 10:56 AM Reply

    Nicole,
    You are lucky that the only thing bruised was your ego! Please take care of yourself — falls are really treacherous for us. I can relate to needing more alone time and needing to do some things on your own. Don’t let it make you crazy — You can really hurt yourself and make things worse for yourself and your husband. Think big — don’t think small, You are better than that!

    • Nicole Lemelle 18 October, 2011 on 1:45 PM Reply

      Linda, You are exactly right. As a matter of fact that was probably the scariest on yet.

  12. Nancy 18 October, 2011 on 9:14 AM Reply

    Hi Nicole, My name is Nancy. I was diagnosed with MS 6yrs ago. For the past about 18 months I haven’t drove. I miss it. It was my choice its hard when u can’t feel what your feet are on. When my husband is at work I take bus if I have to go somewhere. I don’t like depending on anyone for rides.

    • Nicole Lemelle 18 October, 2011 on 1:48 PM Reply

      Nancy, Probably, the first of “not driving” was the hardiest. I got the paperwork for the bus, but…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

To get the latest update of our works

>> <<