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Only A Part

Happy Holidays

I’m worse now. There’s no denying this. Things are harder for me. Getting dress is exhausting. Applying make up is no longer a constant, it takes too much energy. We tend to analyze our life and take stock of our ourselves around New Years. I’ve been putting this off on purpose. I’m afraid I won’t measure up.

I always wonder what people think when they see me. Especially, if they haven’t seen me in a while. These days “a while” amounts to only weeks. My meetings have become strained. Are you shocked? Maybe afraid to approach me? It’s okay. Just remember, respectful greetings can be mutually beneficial allowing for both of us to get on the same page quickly. “Well, Nicole you’ve certainly changed since the last time I saw you!”

Here are more options for engaging with disabled people- How To Be With A Disable Person by Cathy Aten.

I know it really depends on what I exude myself. But the truth is MS is a part of who I am. I think that’s okay to admit. Afterall, it’s only a part. That’s the good news! There’s so much here. Parts I didn’t know existed. For instance, I never imagined I’d be this close to acceptance of this new normal. I never guessed I wouldn’t be mad anymore. Mad at whom you ask? The world. For a while I was upset with everything. MS has encroached on nearly every aspect of my life. I can’t pretend this doesn’t hurt.

That being said, how am I compared to 2010? Physically, I’m certainly weaker and slower. However, emotionally I’m stronger, more resilient and tenacious than ever. This year, I realized that Multiple Sclerosis wasn’t given to me to destroy me, but it has thrust me into a certain temporary physical experience, much different than before. Looking forward to 2012, my new normal is uncertain. The reality is next year I may worse or better, but the one thing I can bet on is it will be different.

23 thoughts on “Only A Part”
  1. Terry Palardy 2 January, 2012 on 3:27 PM Reply

    Hi Nicole, I am new to your page, and enjoyed reading this post. I’ve just written a book about my experiences with acceptance (and not) of the diagnosis of MS. I’ve also opened a new Facebook page, titled for the book, Multiple Sclerosis, an Enigma. I’d love to have you visit the page when you can, and perhaps LIKE it enough to return now and then. Please bring your ideas, too!
    Terry

    • Nicole Lemelle 2 January, 2012 on 7:22 PM Reply

      Terry,
      Good for you! I will definitely stop by your page and LIKE IT.
      I have a Facebook page for My Mew Normals too.
      Thanks for finding me.

  2. Lee-Anne 1 January, 2012 on 7:54 PM Reply

    Nicole, beautifully written. Acceptance of MS on some level, I’ve found is such a big step forward. Thats not to say I accept it every day, but I find I function better when I have acceptance within me. Good luck for 2012…

    • Nicole Lemelle 1 January, 2012 on 9:03 PM Reply

      Lee-Anne,
      So true. Thanks for reading. I put out new posts on Tuesdays.

  3. Tanya-Marie 30 December, 2011 on 5:43 PM Reply

    another great piece – MS is annoying a very annoying part of my life but as you said only a part – I call it my third child and sometimes she behaves and sometimes she doesnt.
    My wish for us MSer’s is a healthy 2012 and that MS becomes less of a part of us in the years to come –

  4. Shawn 29 December, 2011 on 7:22 PM Reply

    Shawn was here! :-)

  5. Mary K. Mennenga 29 December, 2011 on 6:02 PM Reply

    I too I’m looking forward to the new year, you have a wonderful outlook on life now that know where you are, I’ll be reading more. Happy New Year to you and all those you hold dear.

    • Nicole Lemelle 29 December, 2011 on 6:32 PM Reply

      Mary,
      Thanks for reading. My outlook actually continually changes. I’m learning to deal with that first. You guys just happen to be along for the ride! Happy New Year to you too!

  6. Aimee2comcast.net 29 December, 2011 on 12:46 PM Reply

    Love the cal

    • Nicole Lemelle 29 December, 2011 on 1:38 PM Reply

      Aimee, what do you mean? I dont get it. Can be kind of slow at times! Happy New Years!

  7. Antoinette 29 December, 2011 on 12:01 PM Reply

    Happy 2012

  8. JILL RENE 29 December, 2011 on 7:35 AM Reply

    THANKS NICOLE FOR BEING AVAILABLE TO SO MANY AND SHARING YOUR STUFF ON THIS SITE; IT HAS HELPED TO LOOK OUT AND SEE THAT DIFFERENT THINGS YOU ARE GOING THROUGH AND THE THINGS WE HAVE IN COMMON. YES, MS IS NOT ALL OFF WHO WE ARE AND HAPPILY I HAVE FOUND A FRIEND WHILE GETTING MY TRANSFUSION WHICH IS NOT A NEW THING(OVER 12 YEARS) BUT THAT IS ONE OF THE GREATEST THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN 2011. I HAVE LEARNED FROM YOU THAT I SHOULD TAKE THE GOOD AND THE BAD AND BASICALLY TO KEEP MOVING. THANK YOU AND HAPPY NEW YEAR.

    • Nicole Lemelle 29 December, 2011 on 1:41 PM Reply

      Jill, thanks do much for supporting the site. I figure we are all in together! Happy New Years!

  9. Kari Feliciano 28 December, 2011 on 5:29 PM Reply

    Hi! Nichole glad to have found your site. I have been diagnosed with MS for 16 months. I struggle with fatigue and pain. I am no baby so if I say I feel tired I am exhuasted. My teenagers say Mom you are not sick. I can,t help my face does not show it. I have always wanted to be a writer. I have a new program called dragon when I can just speak and it types. I am sorry your condition has progressed. I look forward to getting to know you. Big hugs

    • Nicole Lemelle 28 December, 2011 on 10:24 PM Reply

      Kari, I’m glad you found the site too! At 18 months in I was still in too much denial to find something like this. Hats off to you! Happy Holidays

  10. kmilyun 28 December, 2011 on 11:24 AM Reply

    Great pic of you smiling. Enjoy reading your blog I just forget to comment. Here is to seeing what the New Year brings!

  11. andrea allain 28 December, 2011 on 10:49 AM Reply

    I love you. You are such an inspiration to me and I am always touched be your posts. I am obviously sad that you feel your MS getting worse. It is a “bitter pill to swallow” to have to accept that you are powerless to change your MS…all of us are powerless over this disease. Your courage and ability to write about all the challenges you face daily is really remarkable. You are reaching people and they are connecting with your experiences and realizations. “Keep Calm and Carry On”. I have that framed on our bedroom wall so it is always the first thing I see in the morning. I love you dear friend. I am now 6 months pregnant with a little girl. We also got a 3 month old Schitzu puppy who only weighs 1.5 pounds…her name is Suri. She is tiny and low maintenance and loves to just cuddle and snuggle in our arms or around our neck all day…and she doesn’t utter a word. I will bring her to meet you when the boys go back to school Jan 3. Until then…please know I love you and think of your often.
    Andrea

  12. cathy 27 December, 2011 on 9:34 AM Reply

    Dear, dear Nicole,
    Thank you for your mention of this post and my website. How funny(?) life is: here we are, two really smart women unceremoniously ushered into the writer’s life against our wishes!
    And yet… and yet…….
    I am out here reading you. I see you there..
    love,
    Cathy

    • Nicole Lemelle 27 December, 2011 on 9:01 PM Reply

      Cathy,
      How nice. Your blog really hit home.

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