Something weird was happening with my vision.
No big deal.
Periodically I felt a brief jolting pain shooting from my left eye.
Transient pain.
Lately, after my jogs in the park my vision gets unusually dark.
Annoying.
One day I haphazardly covered my right eye with my hand and discovered I could not see out of my left eye.
Frightened!
A few more days passed and I knew something wasn’t quite right. But I was in nursing school and at that point in my life, nothing was more important. I was extremely swamped with course work. Only days before, I walked face first into the cinderblock wall of my dorm room! I attributed all these unusual physical mishaps to that unintentional march into the wall! Eventually, I surrendered to the pain that in turn ushered me to the eye doctor.
That trip to the eye doctor marked a turning point in my 25-year existence. I confidently walked into the dark exam room and announced that I had a retinal detachment. (I had just studied this in class.) He did his exam and concluded that I did not have a retinal detachment! GREAT! Relieved, I left the exam room.
I was almost home free and out the door. Then, I remembered covering my eye. What is he talking about? SOMETHING IS DEFINITELY WRONG! Panic meter began rising. I did an about face and headed back to the exam room. My walk became a strut that progressed to a jog. By the time I reached the exam room my panic meter had exploded. I was panting! I burst into the exam room and found the optometrist examining his next patient. I desperately squawked, “BUT I CAN’T SEE OUT OF MY LEFT EYE!”
It was like looking through dirty water.
A light bulb went off for him. He examined me once more. He began by asking me about my family history. I again pleaded to him to fix my eye. His answer, I want you to go get a MRI…today. Thanks to nursing school I was familiar with that test, but I didn’t know why he wanted ME to go get one. I did the scan at 3 p.m. At 6:30 p.m. the phone rang. “I want you to see a neurologist tomorrow morning” my optometrist said. The doctor called me at home…himself! WHAT?
That night I called my parents in Baton Rouge and said, “I’ve been having trouble seeing. First, I went to the eye doctor. He sent me for an MRI. Now, I have an appointment with a neurologist in the morning.” Silence. “I think it’s something serious.” I managed to mumble. Then when they finally spoke: “What time should we be there?”
The next day my parents and sister drove an hour to meet me in the exam room with LSU’s chief of neurology. I presented my story once again, “I hit the wall face first and now I’m having vision changes. That’s all. Just give me some eye drops! Please.” A tone of desperation crept into my voice. He said. “No, it’s the other way around, Nicole.
You hit the wall BECAUSE you have been having trouble seeing.” I didn’t let up. I continued to give him a thorough interrogation offering him alternative diagnoses and questioned his ability to interpret my MRI scan. He calmly stood, stepped into my personal space, stared me in the eye and declared,
“Nicole, I am 99.9 percent sure you have Multiple Sclerosis.”
My name is Nicole Lemelle. I am a writer, activist and a person living with Multiple Sclerosis. I created My New Normals to educate those who do not understand MS, reassure people with similar plights and inspire everyone to seize command of their lives. 
Hi Nicole I was inspired to learn of your plight today and wish you well and thank you for your detemination which gives hope to so many others.And look forward to you getting better and God bless your family. P.S Have you looked in to holistic informaton as well ? Sometimes the source of this illness can be researched to help you also. Agape
Benjamin, Thanks for stopping by. I release new posts on Tuesdays. I haven’t really looked into holistic avenues as much as I should.
I found the descriptions in the Gabor Mate book “When the Body Says No” very interesting…I’ve explored a lot into the world of naturopathy, massage, and more, so many ways to improve our health I feel lucky that I was diagnosed way back when
I was in college too, NYC Design school in 2001 when I got diagnosed…was a trip to say the least!
Kristen, Thanks for the heads up on the book. I release new posts on Tuesdays and would love to have you back!
Amazing!
I just read Diagnosis (Part 1). I could have written the same narrative about me. Optic Neuritis was my symptom, and it was like looking through dirty water. I told my wife I had issues with my vision last summer during a hot spell. I made the first appointment at the vision center where they could find nothing wrong. My wife, a teacher who had the time and motivation to ride herd on further appointments, made sure further appointments were made (and kept). I wound up with an appointment with a neurologist and after two MRIs, with the diagnosis of MS (recurring / remissive) … bummer. I wanted to deny the diagnosis which is easy during remission. I am now left with weekly injections which make me feel bad for part of one day a week. I follow your blog on facebook and via your emails and when I am feeling sorry for myself, I visit your blog and instantly feel better about things.
Thanks so much for doing what you do. Please continue, I have you as a new role model.
Jim, Wow those were some powerful words. Thank you so much. I hadn’t thought about that in a while. Yeah I stayed right there for a long long time. Thanks for reading, Thanks for keep coming back!
Nicole – great blog! I was diagnosed last summer (although it took 3 different doctors, many long (and sometimes painful) tests before the diagnosis was made. I’ve been figuring out my new normal as well (I blogged about it at http://wp.me/p24ECi-x) and have been determined to not let it stop me from living my life.
Keep up the great writing – I look forward to reading more!
Kristie
Kristie, Thank you and way to go. We just adapt and keep going.
What a blessing to find your website!!! I recently was diagnosed with MS and can definitely relate to some of your experiences!!! I feel scared for whats to come, but Im sure things will get much better once I start medication, so Im hopeful!
Lisa, I’m glad you found us too! New posts come out on Tuesdays.
Hi Nicole, I just came across your blog today and your story is so close to mine that it is scary. It wasn’t my eye that first starting giving problems. I actually went to a GP because my back was causing me alot of pain but when he started asking me all these questions about falling and dropping things that I hadn’t even told him about it freaked me out. He walked out of the room, made a phone call to colleage (I know I’m not spelling that right) and came back and said I think you have MS! Turned my world upside down. My second son just turned one and I thought there was no way this was happening to me. I went to Tulane and saw Dr. Stazio who did multiple tests…MRI, spinal tap, and bloodwork and called later that week to say yes I was MS. We must live not too far from each other, I live near Lafayette. It’s good to “meet” you! I will definitely keep up with your blog. I too would definitely trade in my walker and (one bad days – my wheelchair) for no handicap parking!!!
Suzie, thanks for stopping by. I appreciate you reading my story. It’s kind of validating to see someone else go through the same thing, Huh? I think in some way that’s why I write.
I had sever pain in my left knee that left me limping around. After a few doctor visits and a few trips through PT… my doctor sent me to a sports medicine doctor who took an xray and a cat scan of my knee and informed me that there was nothing wrong with me.. it was all in my head. Fortunately.. my doctor knew what it took me to get me into her office so she asked ME my opinion. My daughter, in 2007, was in a coma. The first wave of pain happened while walking from my car to her room. I had to drag my leg. It just wouldnt co-operate with me. After explaining this to my own doctor and telling her that perhaps I had a stroke (Im not in the medical field. lol) she said well.. lets find out. So off for another cat scan but this time of my brain instead of my knee. Turns out he was right. The pain WAS in my head with the initial diagnosis of MS. From there it was many more trips for cat scans and a spinal tap. I feel blessed that I can still walk. I was diagnosed with secondary progressive. Here we are… 2012 and I although things are getting harder… I can still walk with a cane. Counting my blessings that I should be able to participate in the MS walk this year!
Kathy, Thanks for reading my story. You got a quick diagnosis just like me. I’m secondary progressive now too, but I don’t walk! Good for you!!! What’s your secret?
I was diagnosed in December. I was completely blindsided, but looking back it all fits and makes sense. All the falls, and years of feeling out of balance….My family is in denial, and friends keep saying ‘but you don’t look sick’ and cannot understand. It is a relief to go on the internet and find out that all the things I am feeling, and are happening, do NOT make me a freak!
Linda, At least by being a wheelchair, I don’t get the, “But you look,,,,,,” It downplays our experience. Give your family time. I hear sometimes they don’t have the coping strategies that we have to call on immediately. They don’t.
Thanks for reading, I put out new posts on Tuesdays.
It was the dreaded appt with the neuro to tell me what he found from the results of CT, lumbar puncture, evoked response examinations. He needs to hurry up; I’m a busy person at work, home, and recreation. He told me everything that wasn’t wrong with me (I’m tapping my fingers… hurry up!) and then he drops the big bomb — MS. Me and my fiancee went home and we hugged each other and cried. It was two weeks before our wedding and I gave her the opportunity to back out of the relationship because of the new unknowns ahead of us. She lovingly declined. That was 29 years ago. I might have a heartbeat but she is my life. I hate MS.
Larry, I’m so you have a partner To go through this with it makes a world of a difference! Thanks for reading my story and please know that I release new posts on Tuesdays. Thanks again.
Just stumbled across your blog…I was diagnosed in college too. I remember blowing it off too, though my symptoms were physical rather than vision. Thank you for spreading awareness!!
Kristin, I blew it off for as long as possible! Thanks for stopping by. I release new posts on Tuesdays.
Nicole
Nicole,
I love the title of your blog, “my new normals.” When we’re young, we believe in normal as we understand it. As we grow and things change, our perception of what is normal also changes, and it keeps on changing. That’s when we realize that change — for the good or for the bad — is constant. MS is certainly a creature of change, and life goes on despite the MS. Kudos to you on the blog. Keep on writing!
Ann, Thanks so much!! Yes, I know you know about change! I have to admit, I asked you to visit the site. I didn’t expect such a nice comment from ya! Thanks. This is huge coming from a published author such as yourself.
Nicole
I have to say that this post almost made me cry. I think I almost cried, because that is exactly how I felt, I was totally blindsided by the whole thing. I knew SOMETHING was wrong, but never in a million years would I have guessed MS. Beautifully written. Stay strong!
I just left your site. SUPER cool for stopping by! Thanks for the heartfelt comment. I update the site on Tuesdays, so you are welcome back!
Nicole
isn’t funny how those of us who have medical backgrounds diagnose ourselves? i did the same thing… except i was just opposite of you. the morning i woke up marching in place, unable to make my feet move forward, i looked at my ol’ man and calmly said “hm, i think i have MS”
everyone around me was telling me it was simply neuropathy and would go away, it is this or that.. i knew better…. it took a month to get a solid dx but i knew….
What? That’s crazy. Almost as crazy as me telling the Dr I had a retinal detachment! At least you had it right!!
Thanks for the read. My goal is to update on Tuesdays. So come back soon!
And, I’m a new blogger. How did you get a picture to pop up by your name?